The roles of being a leader is just too huge for me to shoulder. I’m a slacker, a lazy bum, a person that try to cut every single corner, a person that goes for the easy way out. Always looking for fun, playing the roles of a troublemaker, a devil advocate. Hating troublesome stuff, I overestimated myself, trying to be the hero to safe the day, went to take on the role of Headwaiter aka Leader for the day.
I didn’t even went for any consultation, any help that I could get so easily just few days before the operations. Going for the operation empty handed, with a empty head. Thinking that 1st day is a good excuse, a good reason as to why I should be sympathised with if I didn’t do a good job. But it wasn’t the case. I should have no reason to under perform, no reason to disappoint myself, no reason to disappoint the people that have high expectations of me.
I’m always in my own comfort zone, doing every single thing at my own comfortable, calm and slow pace. That should not be the case now. Considering that I am in HTM, a course where people are all moving at a extremely fast and modern pace, where everyone rush their projects, do their assignments and hand up way before the designated time . While I’m here, wordpress-ing my time away when I have a submission in 2 days time. I have yet to even start on that.
Finding an excuse is like effortless. No mood, not the time, need to play, today is weekend, today rest & do tomorrow. Easily, 5 excuses. I am still in my own comfort zone. I need a method to step out of it. Planning is something I really sucked at. That’s why I’m stuck, like all the time. The feelings of doing things that you have no choice, it isn’t forced but it is due to the choices you made previously.
Taking the role of leader when I’m at an even more loss position that my subordinates. How hilarious can I be. Today was a disappointment, I overestimated myself.
Troublesome matters are the matters that help you outperform yourself, the things that pulls you out of the comfort zone.
Alvin's Style 