Whenever I’m here, it just means that I’m at the time where I feel really, really alone. The type where you have no idea who to turn to; even when you have somebody in mind, you’re afraid you’ll be a burden to them. I’m experiencing it right now, like its my fault that the things way are. Like everything that should go my way doesn’t, and nothing seems right at all.
Sometimes, when you put in so much effort, throw in so much time to commit and make sure that it is the best of your knowledge and skills, it just ain’t enough. Like there will always be someone, somewhere out there better than you even though he is not putting in any effort. Like your 101% is not even equivalent to his 10%, everything you do is just a waste of your time and other people’s time. Have you ever felt like your existence alone is a waste of time and space, a burden to the society? With a pitch black of a future, how do you expect to see yourself being an asset to the country?
Maybe, just maybe, the light is out there, somewhere, deep in the dark, waiting for you to see it, to find it. Or it could be just a facade, a bluff, where when you reach that light, you realize that it is actually a train, a car about to coming hitting you. After all the strength, time and effort that you threw in to find that light, you get throw off again. Out into the dark, even deeper this time, without any source of clue, without any hints and guidance. All alone, right in the middle of this pitch black darkness.
Pray for the best, expect the worst. What if prayer does not work and no matter how much you expect yourself to fall, you just fall deeper than you can ever imagine? A new found monster devouring you from the inside.
Maybe, just maybe, there is a way, a straight path to death.
Alvin's Style 